Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Dear Jennie

Dear Jennie-
I am so mad. The maddest I have ever been. Why?! Why you?! A loving mother and wife whose families lives revolve around. Why not the stupid teen mom who is on her 3rd illegitimate pregnancy and is doing crack in the corner while her little ones are walking around in dirty diapers? Why did that car not stay on his side of the road? Why did the coward not even stop after he surly saw what he had done to you?! I don't get it and the oh so popular phrase "everything happens for a reason" just isn't making me feel any better. I appreciate the sympathy  I really do, but I don't know how much more of it I can handle. It's only been 6 hours and 37 minutes since I found out and I don't know how much longer I can feel like this. I don't know how I'm going to get on the plane to go to Utah for your funeral, I don't know how I'm going to get out of the car at Adam's parent's house and have to go inside and see your little one's faces. I have no idea how in the heck I'm going to be able to sit through your funeral. I am so sad Jen, so so so sad. I am going to miss your exclamation filled emails. I am going to miss how every time I see you, you not only have a hug and sweet smile waiting for me, but also every single one of my boys. I am going to miss your comment on EVERY one of my instagram's. I'm going to miss the "Hey girl's, sick dogs and love ya's!" But most of all, I'm just going to miss you. Right now your last few pictures on intagram haunt me. I can't sleep. I have to believe, to hope, that one day I will cherish them though, that is the only reason I have not removed them immediately. I just have to pray that one day I will be able to look at them again. Jen, I have so many regrets. I wish I would have called you more. I wish I would have made more of an effort. I wish so bad that I would have been as good to you as you were to me. I'm sorry Jennie. I really really am. People deal with their grief differently  Adam has chosen to just not talk about it. He's not coming home from his rotation until Wed night. That is totally fine, except for that I am the complete opposite.  I have to talk about it... obsessively  I think it's the way I try to make sense of it all.  I'm all alone feeling like I have nobody to talk to. Which is why I write this, I know you won't ever see this, but I'm doing this selfishly, because it makes me feel better. I know you would understand that. I love you dearly Jennie. There will be a huge hole you left in my heart forever. Things will never ever be the same again. Don't worry about your kids, I am going to be there as much as humanly possible for them, just like you were for me. Love you Jen!

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Disneyland 2011


Well I signed onto the blog after a little break and I noticed Kindi had wrote a post she never published so I hit the publish button for her.  Hopefully it doesn't say anything she was reluctant to reveal and she didn't want it published, more likely she was trying to figure out how to position the pictures and couldn't get it right.  I call Kindi "my old lady" because she reminds me of my grandma when she displays her techno savvy.  I remember my grandma used to call me over to show her "how to work the web internet thing".  So I would go over and say to her "click twice on this little picture, when the internet comes up you just type in this little box thing here what you want to look at.  If you have a specific web address already, type it in this other box here."  I probably did that a dozen times and either she just wanted me to come over or it really blew her mind.  Probably both.  I did catch her once typing in an actual street address instead of a web address...so perhaps she didn't understand that lingo.  Kindi may not be that bad but lets just say she doesn't put forth the effort at times to learn anything past typing what she wants from the internet web thing in the boxy thing.  Anything past that, she comes and gets me.  I don't mind this because I don't have much use around the house anyways.  So long story short...hope it's o.k I published it sweetie pie.

We went to disneyland.  I know, yes again.  It was spectacular again.  I was a little worried about the annual Disneyland trip with Tylerann and their kids because this year we have two new babies between the two families and we are quickly getting outnumbered.  There isn't a worse feeling than holding a baby, grasping onto the hand of one child trying to make a break for it and seeing the third one just out of kicking range looking at you and there is a clear message in their eyes "You are powerless to stop what I'm about to do."  Surprisingly though, they all did very well.  Jack and Harry are best buds especially and they seemed very happy to spend a few days with each other.  I'll just hit some highlights.
1.  The best part of the trip for me was Jedi Training.  They do a little Star Wars show for kids where they can go up and learn how to be Jedi's.  As they are learning, Darth Vader shows up and challenges them(gasp!).  I'm sure most of the kids realized this was all pretend but Jacks face went completely white.  The kid was terrified.  They then had each kid challenge either Darth Maul or Darth Vader with the moves they learned, and since Jack was the youngest in the group he went last.  I was worried he would be too scared to go but he went right up to him and fought a light saber battle.  If you ask him, he is the one that definitely killed Darth Vader that day.  I'll put the video on here, and while I know all of you don't want to watch the entire thing, you HAVE to go to the end of the second video where Jack comes up.  He is literally speechless with excitement.


2. It's a Small World Christmas Style is fantastic.  I hate this ride, but at christmas I feel that the way they re-decorate it is fantastic.  Colt is just breathless with amazement the entire time we are on this ride.  We did it at least 3 times I think.




3. Snow on Main Street/World of Color.  The nice part of going with Tylerann is the babysitter swap we do so I can go for a night with just Kindi and I.  It's nice to spend time just the two of us.  If you haven't been to Disneyland at christmas, they make it snow right after the fireworks show on mainstreet and it really is pretty magical.  Right after this the World of Color show is put on at California Adventures.  I was hesitant to go at first because I have bad memories of crowds and being exhausted while my parents had us sit and wait for Fantasia to start.  To this day I have no idea what fantasia is like because I fell asleep on the street curb before it ever started.  Luckily, when you go to Disneyland at off-peak times the park closes early which means shows are also early and nothing is crowded.  This show was spectacular and I ended up going twice.  Kudos Disney.



There are a million other things to put down, but Kindi is out of town and I'm on my own with the boys so I have to go.  It was a great time.  I have to hand it to Disney, they bleed me dry but everytime I smile happily and fork it out and say "thank you sir, may I have another frozen bananna?"

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Oh crap, I'm soooooo behind in blogging world, shocker right??!! We have had so much happen in the last few months, Jack turning 4, Nash growing like a weed and Colt maybe growing out of the terrible two's??!!(Please let this be true) I don't want to leave that all out, so I've decided I'm just going to talk about Halloween festivities in this post and then the next couple of days, each little guy is going to get his own post. So here we go with Halloween:


I feel like Halloween has been going on for a solid month. Adam came home on Sept 30 and pulled out the decor. He is a Halloween freak, however, I must admit that he has converted me. Any holiday is more fun when you have kids, and when it comes to Halloween, I have 4 crazy boys! :) We started out our festivities on Wednesday with a Halloween themed play group. Jack had school that day so it was just Colt, Nash and I. Colt went through 4 costumes that morning, Batman, Spiderman, a Dr. and a Jedi. Do you know what he finally decided on...Nothing!!! He just wanted to wear his Lego Star Wars shirt. So off we went in just that, fine by me. I didn't have to worry about him getting his other costumes dirty. We had a great time playing at the park and eating lots of yummy treats. On Thursday Jack had his preschool Halloween program. His teacher Ms. Lori is AMAZING!! Jack freaks out if it's not a preschool day, he just loves it! My sister watched the 2 little guys so that both Adam and I could go. They sang some songs, introduced themselves, wrapped each other up as mummy's and then we had some really great Halloween treats that Lori made. I'm telling you, that Lori is worth ten times what we pay her! After the program we went and picked up the little ones and ventured off to the pumpkin patch. Once there I was wondering why I had this awesome idea to go the the pumpkin patch, it was called McDonald's ranch so needless to say it was full of farm animals and farm animal smells and hay. I've decided I hate farm animals and hay and everything to do with farm animals. When the boys wanted to go into the petting zoo it took every ounce of "wanting to be a good mother" to let them go in with their dad while I waited outside with Nash. When it was finally time to pick out our pumpkin, we took a "hay ride" (a trailer covered in random hay that stuck to EVERYTHING) over the the patch and picked out 2 pretty awesome pumpkins. Truthfully though, the pumpkin patch kind of loses it's magic when it's still 90 degrees outside. Anyway, on Friday we had our ward trunk or treat. It's always a lot of fun even though it's crazy!! They told us to bring enough candy for 150 kids and we went through that and more! They boys loved being in their costumes and the Batman and Captain America poses were happening like you wouldn't believe. Both Jack and Colt get in major "cool mode" when they are in their costumes. When one of the kids showed up dressed as Darth Vader there was a serious showdown between he and Batman. At one point in the night I even heard Jack yell out "Nice shot Bucky!" to no one in particular. I didn't even know what this phrase meant until one night when I picked up our captain America action figure and he yelled that phrase at me. It made a lot more sense after that.


 Sunday we decorated our pumpkins from the pumpkin patch. The boys chose to paint theirs while Adam and I decided to carve ours. In an effort to try and win the coolest mom in the world prize, I decided I would carve and Angry Bird pumpkin. Not to brag but... I feel like it is my best work. I show everyone who comes over. It is hard to carve pumpkins when your husband is the free hand craving pumpkin master. Adam did 2 pumpkins in the time I did one. Then the actual anticipated Halloween day came. About a month ago I decided that I was going to have a party on Halloween. It started out in my head as all of my parties do, it will just be a small event for just the kids. We'll cut some ghost and pumpkin shapes out of peanut butter sandwiches, maybe decorate some cookies and paint some pumpkins. Just a small affair, nothing big, I don't want to do anything big. I expressed my idea to Adam...big mistake. Before I knew it there was over 30 people in my backyard and severed heads hanging from my trees. One of the awesome things about Halloween in Arizona is you can do a party outside and night. It was really fun to eat scary fall food by the light of tiki torches and candles, even thought it was a chili 75 degrees. :) The truth is, there is no way I could have pulled it off without my friends. I have some of the best friends in the whole world! Everyone brought something really really yummy. Brooke watched my kids while I cleaned up for the party, Jillian helped me all day with Nash and setting up and costumes(because Adam refused to go another Halloween without a costume) and Amanda offered several different times on two different days to come over and help clean up. After the party we went trick-or treating around the neighborhood with all of the kids. Our neighborhood is super lame and full of old people who turn off their lights and don't give out candy. The upside to this though is that the people who do give out candy give out either full size candy bars, or hand fulls of the little ones. It is so fun to go trick or treating when you have kids. Colt would go up to people's doors and yell "Trigger treat! Hey come get the door, we want candy!"  Jack couldn't get enough. He literally cried this morning when I told him Halloween was over. Colt threw up from candy overload, he literally let it fly all over my nicely cleaned carpets. My fault I guess for letting him have candy for breakfast, mother of the year, I know. Happy Halloween everyone!!! 

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

So we haven't done a post in a long time and that isn't going to change for a couple of weeks.  I'm just a little too busy and Kindi refuses to do it herself.  She actually hasn't told me to write one for a while which is odd because usually I get that command every once in a while.  But, despite the time constraints, I wanted to post some videos for those of you that haven't really met little Nash yet, and also one video of my other two little wierdos.  The other day I had the idea to do a "Dance Party" with them and now every night they insist on doing one to Halloween music.  Pretty funny little dudes.  Just click on the links.  Anyways, enjoy.

Dance Party, Nash Smiles, Nash and Momma