I am so mad. The maddest I have ever been. Why?! Why you?! A loving mother and wife whose families lives revolve around. Why not the stupid teen mom who is on her 3rd illegitimate pregnancy and is doing crack in the corner while her little ones are walking around in dirty diapers? Why did that car not stay on his side of the road? Why did the coward not even stop after he surly saw what he had done to you?! I don't get it and the oh so popular phrase "everything happens for a reason" just isn't making me feel any better. I appreciate the sympathy I really do, but I don't know how much more of it I can handle. It's only been 6 hours and 37 minutes since I found out and I don't know how much longer I can feel like this. I don't know how I'm going to get on the plane to go to Utah for your funeral, I don't know how I'm going to get out of the car at Adam's parent's house and have to go inside and see your little one's faces. I have no idea how in the heck I'm going to be able to sit through your funeral. I am so sad Jen, so so so sad. I am going to miss your exclamation filled emails. I am going to miss how every time I see you, you not only have a hug and sweet smile waiting for me, but also every single one of my boys. I am going to miss your comment on EVERY one of my instagram's. I'm going to miss the "Hey girl's, sick dogs and love ya's!" But most of all, I'm just going to miss you. Right now your last few pictures on intagram haunt me. I can't sleep. I have to believe, to hope, that one day I will cherish them though, that is the only reason I have not removed them immediately. I just have to pray that one day I will be able to look at them again. Jen, I have so many regrets. I wish I would have called you more. I wish I would have made more of an effort. I wish so bad that I would have been as good to you as you were to me. I'm sorry Jennie. I really really am. People deal with their grief differently Adam has chosen to just not talk about it. He's not coming home from his rotation until Wed night. That is totally fine, except for that I am the complete opposite. I have to talk about it... obsessively I think it's the way I try to make sense of it all. I'm all alone feeling like I have nobody to talk to. Which is why I write this, I know you won't ever see this, but I'm doing this selfishly, because it makes me feel better. I know you would understand that. I love you dearly Jennie. There will be a huge hole you left in my heart forever. Things will never ever be the same again. Don't worry about your kids, I am going to be there as much as humanly possible for them, just like you were for me. Love you Jen!
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Posted by adamandkindi at 3:00 AM
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
So we haven't done a post in a long time and that isn't going to change for a couple of weeks. I'm just a little too busy and Kindi refuses to do it herself. She actually hasn't told me to write one for a while which is odd because usually I get that command every once in a while. But, despite the time constraints, I wanted to post some videos for those of you that haven't really met little Nash yet, and also one video of my other two little wierdos. The other day I had the idea to do a "Dance Party" with them and now every night they insist on doing one to Halloween music. Pretty funny little dudes. Just click on the links. Anyways, enjoy.
Dance Party, Nash Smiles, Nash and Momma
Posted by adamandkindi at 1:33 PM